i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
