You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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