hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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