Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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