I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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