also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
