I feel like I'm in dance class right now
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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