her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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