remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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