yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
