Pants 0. Shit 1.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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