i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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