We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
