so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
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I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
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I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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