mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
