we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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