IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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