it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
It's shark week go big or go home
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
