Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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