you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
