Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
My first STD was from a foam party
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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