can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm at about main and main street
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
