I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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