he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
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You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
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Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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