Are we in a gay sports bar?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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