its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
