I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
