He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
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Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
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Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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