I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
