I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
