i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
