Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
