youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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