Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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