You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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