hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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