Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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