You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
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