i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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