we're chasing vodka with high fives
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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