dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
