the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
