when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
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I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
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