I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
