I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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