i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
