I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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