I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
