How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
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I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
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I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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