dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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