i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
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So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
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He's a Shit stain on my heart
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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