Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
whose parrot is this?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
