Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
