I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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