did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
