I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
