and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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