It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
