Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
