I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
