Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
