If that was your dad, he is hot
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
