We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
