I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
